Dear Tweetie: I don’t really enjoy my shifts with the person I support

Dear Tweetie,

I feel awful writing this, but I don’t really enjoy my shifts with the person I support.

They haven’t done anything wrong. They’re polite. They’re safe. And I genuinely like them.

But most shifts feel flat. We sit around a lot. Conversation doesn’t really flow. I leave feeling tired and vaguely guilty, like I should be doing more.

Other workers seem to “click” with them better than I do.

Am I just bad at this?

Or is there something wrong with how I’m approaching the role?

— Feeling Flat

Dear Feeling Flat,

You’re not bad at this and this is more common than people might think.

Quiet, flat shifts don’t automatically mean you’re doing something wrong. Often it’s just a mismatch: the pace of the role, the rhythm of the connection, or the pressure to feel like every shift should be engaging or meaningful.

None of that is a personal flaw.

Some workers find it helpful to simply notice things rather than fix them:

Sometimes the work is just about calmness. Sometimes a worker needs more movement or shared doing to stay okay in the role. When those needs don’t line up, the job can feel heavy even when no one is at fault.

If it continues to feel flat over time, that doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It may just mean this pairing isn’t the right fit for you right now.

Support work isn’t about forcing connection. It’s about being honest about the fit for both people, seeing if it will work but if it doesn’t accepting that and moving on in a responsible way.

— Tweetie